How do you feel when someone treats you less than kind? How do you feel when someone intimidates you to get what they want? Do you feel powerless, unworthy or unloved? At the moment someone starts coming at you in a less than kind manner, they want you to feel powerless, intimated, and less than. They want you to think they have power over you, and they want you to feel stupid, insecure and out of control! They do this in order to get what they want from you! This is manipulation – strong arm tactical manipulation!
We are going to feel hurt – because it hurts when people say and do things to us on purpose! They have an ulterior motive! They want what they want when they want it! Reader, I hate to tell you this – we are going to run into this type of thing for the rest of our lives! Very few people are TRULY kind! Therefore, we can’t walk around with unrealistic expectations on anyone or anybody. No one is perfect – not even one of us! At one time or another, we all have let people down and we just might do it again.
So, what should we do when someone comes at us in less then a kind way? We must ask ourselves: Does this hurt so badly because I have put unrealistic expectations on this person or persons? THAT’S IT! We put expectations on people! We expect others to treat us the way we want them too! Now, here is the hard part: If we walk around expecting individuals or even family members to treat us the way we want to be treated or even expect them to treat us with the kindness we believe we are showing them – we are going to become very angry and bitter! Why? Because we are putting unrealistic expectations on them! Why unrealistic expectations? Because for some reason or another they cannot put forth the kindness that we want or need from them for whatever reason! I am in no way excusing their behavior! Nor my own behavior in these type of situations. What I’m trying to do here is to ease your hurt by helping you to recognize the problem. When we put expectations on people to do what we think they should – we are expecting them to do something that they are not capable of doing or they do not want to do – and if we were to confront them – they would deny it! Here is the OUCH in this type of situation – The bottom line is this. We Christians must keep in mind: How do people perceive us? What is God trying to teach us in this situation? Could it be the following: “You therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things.” Romans 2:1 (NIV) (sw-h)